


two of these people are lying (because two of them will be)

by MercurialComet



Series: mihail-verse [4]
Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Crack Treated Seriously, Gen, The Essayists/The Technical Difficulties AU, Video Chat, Youtube AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-23
Updated: 2020-05-23
Packaged: 2021-03-03 03:33:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,523
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24344314
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MercurialComet/pseuds/MercurialComet
Summary: “Hello everybody,” Claude said, smiling into his camera. “I’m Claude von Riegan, we’re The Essayists, and today we’re playing Two of These People are Lying because two of them will be."
Series: mihail-verse [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1531958
Kudos: 10





	two of these people are lying (because two of them will be)

**Author's Note:**

> in which basically, i write this discord message: "it's a technical difficulties!au. basically, edelgard, claude, linhardt, and mihail share a youtube channel titled "the essayists" in which all of them just kind of do their own video essays. every now and then the 4 come together and either do 1 big essay, play either citation needed or 2 of them are lying, or 1 of them does a long lecture on something that the other three may not know much about"

“Hello everybody,” Claude said, smiling into his camera. “I’m Claude von Riegan, we’re The Essayists, and today we’re playing Two of These People are Lying because two of them will be. On my screen is Edelgard von Hresvelg-”

Edelgard waved. “Heir apparent to the Empire, happy to be here.”

“Linhardt von Hevring-”

“I was pulled away from a nap for this.” Linhardt muttered, taking a sip out of their mug.

“and Mihail Vessyl-”

“I am still stuck in Faerghus,” Mihail said, pointing to the window behind him. “So if I look washed out, that’s why.”

Claude smirked. “The way that this game works is that Edelgard sent me a list of Wikipedia articles, and I randomly pick one of them.”

“One of us-” Linhardt yawned, “-has actually read the article. And the other two have to come up with something.” 

“And today, let’s talk about-” Claude stared at his computer screen, tapping his chin. “Let’s talk about Henrici. What is Henrici, Mihail?”

“Henrici,” Mihail said with a confidant expression on his face, “Is the formal name of Henricus, a well-known figure of legend in Morfis and Duscur.”

“Alright, writing that down. Linhardt?”

“A horse.”

Claude looked up from his notebook. “Is that all I get right now?”

Linhardt nodded.

“I’ll ask for follow up details later.” Claude sighed, quickly writing down ‘horse’. “Edelgard?”

“Also known as Henrico and Henricu, it is a town on the northwest coast of Duscur.”

“Hm. Two mentions of Duscur.” Claude noted. “That makes me think either someone is lying or that both of you set this up.” Mihail laughed and Edelgard looked affronted. Claude ignored them both. “Linhardt-”

“Yes.”

“A horse.”

Their face never became any more expressive. “Do you want more information?”

“I mean, that would be nice.” Claude said, twirling his pencil. “Is it an old horse, a modern horse, a war horse, a race horse, a normal horse-”

Edelgard cut in. “A pony?” 

Mihail snorted.

Linhardt sighed. “Henrici is an old race horse from Aegir that competed and won in the 1899 Grand Nationals. The reason the horse is so notable is because it was the only horse to win by going around the fences and obstacles with it’s rider still on.”

“I don’t know much about horses,” Mihail admitted, “but isn’t that against the rules?”

“The formal rules of steeplechase weren’t finalized.” Linhardt explained, looking down at a piece of paper. “There were cases of horses throwing off their riders and going around the fences and jumps, but there was never a rule that said a horse with a rider couldn’t just ignore all of them.”

“He followed the letter of the rules, but not the color of the rules.” Edelgard noted. “Oh, that’s interesting.”

“Oh, I want that to be true.” Claude said, “Just for the idea that this happened. But, just to summarize all this so I can move on: Henrici is the first and last race horse to go around all of the fences and win.”

“And was the cause for the organizers to actually make it one of the official rules for the sport.” Linhardt finished, nodding.

“Great.” Claude finished his notes for them and took a few moments before choosing his next person. “Mihail. Duscur and Morfis legend?”

“Yes.” Mihail said, stretching his arms. “Fair warning, due to this being a legend, everything I say may just be conjecture, but Henrici is the formal name of Henricus, who is known as the drunk who found Duscur.”

There was a beat of silence before the other three college students exploded into laughter, tears, and shrieks of disbelief. Edelgard was too busy chuckling to see that her camera had fallen over, Linhardt looked gobsmacked, and Claude was cackling as he took notes. “Please,” he said while taking a breath, “go on.”

“Alright. So,” Mihail took a deep breath, “Henrici, Henricus, same man, was born a few years before the ‘birth’ of Duscur, and was about 20 when the sky and the earth came together and the tremors were felt across the world-”

Everyone nodded, aware of the story behind Duscur’s mythos.

“And he thought that he would take an expedition over to Duscur. So he made his way to the capital of Morfis, having spent his travels building a coalition of supporters. The supporters abandon him on the steps of the palace and he takes to the bottle, becoming the drunkard.”

“But Duscur-”

“Well, he still wants to head to Duscur, so while under the influence, he packs many bags and prepares for the journey.” Mihail says, adjusting his headphones. “I don’t remember everything he’s packed, but it was stuff like food, water, alcohol-”

“Of course the man still wants to be drunk.” Edelgard commented.

“And parchment and ink so he can document his travels. The funniest thing is that he could only really write the days down legibly because he was so drunk, and any letters he wrote couldn’t be deciphered. So we know it took him 10 years-”

Claude couldn’t help himself. “Ten years?!”

“How,” Linhardt nearly started laughing and had to take a breath. “How did he not starve? Or run out of supplies?”

“He went through the Kingdom territories.”

“Ten years, that’s a long time.” Claude noted.

“Now you see why every Duscis is so patient.” Mihail joked, winking at the camera. “But anyway, he gets there and of course, some of the early Duscis are there, so they practically adopt this drunkard into their village in the Northern Forests, and that’s where the story ends.”

Claude looked down at his notes to see if there was anything he missed. “I don’t think I have any follow up questions right now. Edelgard, a town in Duscur.”

“Right.” Edelgard sat up, her camera fixed at this point. “It may sound boring after Mihail’s story, but Henrici is one of the older towns of Duscur, being a port city in the North Adrestian Sea.”

“A port city.” Claude said, writing it down. “What does it import and export?”

“Fish, Duscur bear, Duscur lumber, etc.” Edelgard listed. “It’s actually one of Duscur’s two main ports. Historically, it is said that the last Chief of Duscur was raised there, one Noela Frigare.”

Claude finished writing down everything he was told before he leaned back in his chair and read it all over again. “Hm. This is actually kind of difficult.”

“Well done everybody.” Mihail commented, raising up his can of soda.

“Good show, good show.” Linhardt replied, sipping from their mug again.

Claude rolled his eyes. “The thing that makes this difficult is that I don’t have any reasonable follow up questions.” He said, pointing sarcastically at his notes. “Mihail has told the entire history of some poor drunk who stumbled into Duscur, Linhardt-” He paused, and a look of disbelief fell onto his face. “Okay, Linhardt, I’m really sorry, but-”

“There’s no reasonable follow-ups.” Edelgard repeated with a smile. “Except for you, Hevring.”

“I just don’t think that they would have actually given the guy who did that the prize.” Claude reasoned, looking at Linhardt’s face to see if it would give something away. It wouldn’t. “I don’t think you’re my first choice.”

“Alright.”

“Mihail has a great story.” Claude said, tapping his pencil on the edge of the notebook. “But Edelgard has a more plausible Wikipedia entry, so I’m guessing it’s you, princess.”

Edelgard nodded. “Yes.”

Linhardt looked shocked. “Wow.”

Mihail nodded. “Yeah, she’s right.”

“Wait,” Claude’s eyes widened, “Did you know enough about Edelgard’s article-”

“That I was able to tell you an abridged story of why it was founded and cut out the part where it was actually founded?” Mihail said, smirking. “Yes.”

“I wanted to scream when Mihail started talking about Henricus.” Edelgard admitted, "That’s why I started laughing.”

“So if I had picked you, Mihail-”

“You would have technically been wrong. It’s not my article, but it is an hour away from Genus, and I know enough about my own country to make it a more difficult choice between me and Edelgard.”

Claude groaned. “That’s foul.”

Edelgard chuckled. “Can I read out the part of the story that Mihail left out?”

“Go for it.”

“After Henricus was nursed back to health, he was taught how to purify saltwater for safe consumption, and chose to follow the shore in a journey to the west. He was able to set up a shelter, send word back to Morfis, and create the settlement of Henrici, which grew into the town of the same name.”

Linhardt laughed. “Oh this was so mean.”

“Do you want to know what makes it meaner?” Mihail asked. “Watch this. Claude?”

“Yes, Mihail?”

“How do you find out someone’s formal name in Duscis?”

Claude thought about it for a while, his face scrunched up in concentration. His shoulders slumped after a few seconds. “There is no such thing as a formal name. It’s only titles.”

The laughter at the realization that Mihail had hinted at his entry being a lie from the very start lasted well on until the end of the video, the logo for the Essayists popping up to close it out.

**Author's Note:**

> this was written for me and me alone but if you're bored and like to listen to four british guys laugh about wikipedia, the technical difficulties channel is right there on youtube


End file.
